Changes over time

When we were kids, we used to climb to the top of the barn, holding a rope.  Once we reached the top we would swing to the other side.  Sometimes we walked across the ceiling beams pretending to be tightrope walkers from the circus.  One time we actually managed to climb onto the roof of the barn and sit at the peak teasing our frightened mother below!  I am trying to remember just when heights began to scare me.  I now avoid the ferris wheel although it is the only carnival ride that doesn't make me sick.  I bravely climbed onto the garage roof to help shingle a few years ago.  I remember that when my brother and nephew came down for a drink or shade, I stayed put knowing I would never go back up if I came down.  Friday after work, I opened the extension ladder and began scraping the upstairs window trim with great trepidation.  I even managed to crawl onto the roof to scrape the wooden trim at the edges,   Saturday, I continued my mission knowing that each step up the ladder might be my last.  It has been a productive but miserable weekend.  The wind is blowing today, granting me a reprieve from my balancing act.  I am thinking I will not be able to muster up the courage to continue until I have at least made out a will.