When there are no answers...

The War in Iraq has ended--since it began, I have decorated my Christmas tree with Peace ornaments.   This year I went back to a nostalgic tree (since we are at at Peace)--pink flamingos, surfer santas, polka-dot brightly colored bulbs, snowflakes and Wizard of Oz ornaments.  I even have a brightly lit pink flamingo as a tree topper.  Until today, it seemed the best possible "fun" tree to mark a change in an unsafe world.   Unfortunately, the unthinkable has happened--innocent kids shot in the safety of their school--an unthinkable war zone.  Where is there peace and safety in this world?  All the blinking peace ornaments in the world can't bring safety.  There is no understanding; there are no answers.....

Finding the silver lining

I am sometimes amazed at how life unfolds...Yesterday was my first day back to work after a week-long medical leave.  One of my favorite clients called from the emergency room to ask if I had time to visit for a bit since he was in a "waiting" area.  As I struggled to maneuver myself on crutches down multiple hallways, it occurred to me how difficult it MUST be for my wheelchair bound clients.  I spent half an hour catching up with my elderly client--talking, laughing and planning the next step of his care.  When I logged on to the computer this morning to document our meeting, I caught my breath as I reviewed the recent notes.  This wonderful gentleman died unexpectedly, only two hours earlier.  I am so grateful to have returned to work in time to share a brief moment in life with him, but so sorry that there will be no more such moments.  What a gift to say goodbye without knowing that was the reality of our conversation.  Life lessons happen in such unusual ways.

Smile

My life has seemed somewhat complicated recently.  Lots of changes at work, projects at home and a sense of isolation.  I have been car pooling to work and when my ride dropped me at my car this evening and drove off, I discovered that my car would not start.  Just another "nail" in the coffin of the day.  Yet, when I called my nephew he came right over and jump started the car, (love that boy). I ran home for a book and a beverage, then back to the repair place to wait for an hour while they installed a new battery.  After spending $100 and missing Judge Judy,  my mood was poor, at best.  Until, I was offered the opportunity to Skype!  Got to see and talk to some very dear children--Ella, Ben, Katie and their parents.  What a great day after all!  Gotta love modern technology.

Politics

Election time once again...and once again I am surprised at people's lack of interest.  There was a time (not that long ago) when I was not so involved and interested; but, for some reason I cannot remember what was so much more important.  So I try to identify with the many people I meet as I go door-to-door...those people who have no awareness of their voting location, district or candidates.  And then in three seconds before they close the door, I try to engage them in meaningful conversation--especially after they tell me they ALWAYS vote.  I can only hope the name they remember is the one I shared as they close the door!

Simple Life

Amazing what a game of golf can teach a person...be patient, celebrate every success (even if it means simply advancing the ball), play for fun and remember to have fun!  Great day in the cool South Dakota sun with one very practiced golfer and one "never played before" golfer.  Lessons learned!!  Sometimes being adequate/average is OK.

Random thoughts

Sometimes as I ponder the past and the future, I miss the here and now!  Living is an ever changing process; yet, we maintain certain patterns.  Although owning a home and loving my job are the "American Dream", I find myself wishing for new spaces, new places and new faces.  Happiness truly does come from within and that sense of home is not the same for everyone....

Nostalgia

This past weekend I had the opportunity to return to the Wright family home which has been converted into a hunting lodge.  While the decor has changed, the integrity of the structure has been maintained.  This is the same home we returned to as our kids were growing up. Bright and early Sunday morning (6:30 am) children were screaming from downstairs and running up the stairs and down the hallway from room to room.    The walls echoed with laughter just as they did when their parents were kids and for generations before that.  Happy times--Happy memories!

The Jetsons

I have recently discovered the magic of "Skype".  Now I can share a beer with friends & family even when we are miles apart.  Socializing without leaving the house.  Friday night will never be the same!  Equally exciting is the opportunity to see the next generation growing up before my eyes--singing songs, reading books and playing pat-a-cake with the little ones is heartwarming.   Now when I figure out how to create the "Wilma Jetson" perfect look mask,  I will be famous!

Bloom where you are planted!

Four years ago when I moved into my home, I was tasked with the new experience of "landscaping".  My sister is very talented in this regard and had many suggestions.  Most of which were rather labor intensive.  I did purchase a large planter, filled it with potting soil and planted a flowering plant (at least that's how it looked in the picture).  Kathy pointed out that this was a perrineal which should not be planted in a pot (a bit too late now)  So for the first two winters, I lugged the entire pot into the house for the winter, watered it faithfully and although it  had buds it never did blossom.  This past winter I decided to leave it in the garage rather than carry it back into the house for the winter.  If it died, so be it.  A few weeks ago I pulled it out of the garage and began again to water it.  In no time, those three year old buds bloomed beautifully.  Yet another reminder that Nature has its own time table. 

Remembering lessons from the Past

This past week, I had the opportunity to remember the lessons of the past and the values they taught me.  Sometimes, we need a gentle reminder to remind us where we have been and what is important in life. 

I was at the fabric counter at Hobby Lobby on Wednesday evening waiting to make a purchase, and waiting and waiting.   The young gal in front of me was buying yards and yards of brown fleece.  A cute, quiet little girl stood next to her as the young woman excitedly told me about her recent purchase of  a very comfortable couch a the Thrift Store and her intent to recover it.  As this young mother talked, she shared that she had also found a recliner for $50 and was doing the best she could on her limited resources to provide for her three children.  She beamed with pride as she talked about her family and her provisions for them.  I shook my head and complimented her on her determination to tackle this project, since she had never recovered furniture before.  Another cashier helped me with my simple purchase and a I bid good luck to the young woman at the counter. 

As I walked to my car, it occurred to me how very much I identified with her and how much I admired her.  I remembered the struggles of single parenthood--collecting pop bottles to have enough money to buy milk for my son, garage sale clothing, deer meat or spaghettios for most meals, and bill collectors calling on a daily basis.  I sat in my car for a few minutes reflecting, remembering the importance of determination, independence and doing the best you can.  Determined to somehow "reinforce" this young woman's determination, I headed back to the store only to see her guided by store employees away from the counter, leaving her cart filled with brown fuzzy fabric behind.   

Again, I remembered the "blinking" lights at Kmart when I didn't have enough money to cover my purchases, or returning items to the checkout person to deduct from my final sale.  My heart hurt for this young woman and I raced home to pull my rainy day cash from my bookshelf in hopes of at least helping with her purchase.  Unfortunately, when I returned the beat up Ford pinto was gone from the parking lot and the filled cart was no longer standing at the cashier's counter.

I paced through the store trying to spot this brave young woman, but to no avail.  I returned twice that evening to see whether she might have returned.  I so wanted to be for her one of those people who gave me hope when I felt hopeless and confidence when I had self-doubts.  I have thought about her all week and can only find peace in knowing that she is doing the very best she can with determination and pride.  I hope she knows that, too!

May I always remember those important life lessons!!  Perhaps that was the better lesson here.

Sunday Service

I am not sure why I share this particular message today.  It has likely been said before, perhaps even by me (before the days of Catholic guilt).  I spent Saturday enjoying nature--the smell of lilacs & apple blossoms and cut grass; listening to the birds; feeling the warm sun and the 30 mph winds while I tasted barley & hops.  This morning, I sat in a beautiful cathedral, listening to an off-key organist and the mumblings of the songsters around me and thought about how much closer I felt to God yesterday!

The gift of Friendship

Just returned from the annual fantasy vacation with friends from North Dakota. We spent Friday night sitting around the hotel room until 4 am drinking beer and catching up. Yet, it seemed like only yesterday that we were sitting around the living room talking with the same enthusiasm. As I drove home on Sunday, I thought about how easily we just pick up where we left off. It occurred to me that there is no better gift than those kind of friendships. I am blessed to have found these special friendships over my years of moving and resettling! Can't wait until next year's vacation!

Finding your own dream

Over the past several weeks I have learned some very important life lessons. When the secretary at my office told me she was going to retire (at 55) next year I was envious. When she told me she had worked at the same office for the past 30+ years, I actually found myself at a loss for words. Never would I choose to work at the same job for such a long time...where would I find the challenge in that? Yet, here she is eager to retire and financially secure. At my age, that sounds so comforting...yet, I can't imagine spending my life in one job, one place, one experience. My life experiences have been invaluable, life-changing and challenging...although they don't necessarily equal financial security. I wouldn't trade any of that for a smooth retirement. This past weekend I spent the weekend with my best friends from North Dakota. They are the poster girls for "contentment" living in Grand Forks and living their own dreams. How happy I am for them and for the opportunity to share their dreams. Sometimes, I wonder if I simply dance to a different drum....

Ignorance is Bliss

Since I think I am the only one who notices (and I rarely do!), I can't remember the last time I shaved my legs. But after coloring my hair today, decided today was the day. It has apparently been a very long time....had the hair in my pits been curly I may have thought I was shaving other parts of my anatomy. I had to get a second razor for my second leg & nearly clogged the drain besides. I guess when mom said be sure to wear clean underwear in case you are in an accident, might include personal hygiene as well. Until today, ignorance was bliss......

Comfort...Cozy

Over President's Day Weekend I made subtle changes to my house. I have a new bookcase and end table in the family room, and moved all the furniture to accommodate the changes. My laundry room/bathroom is now much more "pleasant" as I have moved in the antique wash table and covered it and the room with seashells and warm colored accessories. My dining room windows now appear to have window panes and all the banged up paint on ceilings and walls has been repainted! I am ignoring the spots on the carpet and the still visible outdoor Christmas decorations and enjoying a sense of comfort and coziness today (under a warm blanket, since turning up the heat would negatively affect my financial diet!) Life is good enough!

Sefl-Awareness

I am beginning to worry about myself.....when did I become so domestic? Generally, I have been the one who was eager to entertain or go out on the town. Not so these days. It is a sad state of affairs when one trades their "on call" holiday weekend (President's Day) in order to stay home and clean. I have been making lists and buying products with such a frenzy, I am beginning to think I might need the rubber room soon....hopefully this is just a phase!

Preoccupied--another lesson learned

A very long Friday, seeming to go backward with every forward stroke of the clock. One of those days when one wonders where the time went and how they will ever catch up. But, fortunately for me, my sister & her husband had a ticket for me to go to the movies with them tonight. I rarely go to the movies but was eager to see the latest George Clooney film. The sign on the door upon arrival was "water main break, no water". Kathy was greatly concerned about seeing the movie without the benefit of a diet coke---I however, was much more concerned about no bathroom! I hurried home after the movie for Mother's Nature's call. As I sat down, I was so preoccupied contemplating the sad movie and the events of the day that I crossed my legs in deep thought. I won't describe the outcome but that damp experience certainly brought me back to reality in a hurry! Lesson Learned!

Limiting TV

As a part of my financial diet, I reduced the number of cable channels at my house to 22, for a savings of $57. If I were a smoker cutting back, I would put that $$ aside and save it for some kind of healthy expense like a spa day or something. Since it was just a monthly expense, I now simply apply the amount to other monthly bills. Unfortunately, I am an immediate gratification person and this process is not providing any real incentives. I have however, added many more things to my "affordable entertainment" list to fill in the tv-less void. So far there are NO check marks on my list. If my list gets much longer, I am going to have to alphabetize. Still searching for a place to start.....

Happy New Year

The tree and all the decorations are put away. I am taking the time to reflect on the gifts of the season. Since this is the year of my financial diet, I have been contemplating various ideas for Christmas presents. I am determined to share more time and presence with my friends and family this year. Certainly, it is nothing that I can wrap; but relationships with friends & family are the best gifts of all! It's going to be a great year.